Lost
In , early Season 2 or thereabouts, we meet Desmond, who lives in the island’s “hatch” and has to enter a specific series of numbers into a machine every 108 minutes under the belief that, should he fail to do so, the world will end. We wonder why he just accepts this as reality when there’s no tangible proof to suggest it’s true, but we also understand the conundrum he faces—it’s not a theory you’re comfortable testing because of the potential consequences.
That’s more than a little bit of what it feels like to write power rankings. No one has a good reason as to why we do them. But the fear is that if we stop doing them, literally every person who normally frequents our website will never do so again. Which is internet apocalypse, or something.
If that didn’t make you question why you’re here right now, then it’s already too late.
The first time I had to do Power Rankings last season was Oct. 14, at which point—objectively—the three best teams in football were the Chiefs, Packers and Bucs. Mathematically, no one will ever rank anything more powerfully than what I did that day. This was the headline:
However, Tampa had just lost a short-week, poorly officiated, easily discounted road game in Chicago. So despite the undeniable accuracy of these rankings, my mentions were filled by a chorus of turd boys complaining that the Bucs can’t be top three because they had lost their most recent game.
The only thing more intellectually bankrupt than “power ranking” teams in a league in which they is insisting that power ranking put disproportionate emphasis on a one-game sample size. And if what you wanted was rank order based on current win-loss record, then go to NFLstandingsdotcom.org/internet.
Anyway, I’m sure there are some of you who get genuine enjoyment out of this exercise—sorry to yuck your yum. But here’s what I’ll do: In light of the even-steven nature of the NFL (as with most years, the difference between the ninth-best team and the 22nd-best team will probably come down to injuries), I marked “tiers” for each group. Let it not be said that I didn’t put thought and/or effort into this.
